The Right Rock...

Have you ever felt as if you just couldn't do anything right?  I remember coming home from work one day to tell my husband, "I can't ever seem to get it right.  It's like I never bring the right rock to the table.  They always want a different rock!"  As 'little ears' are wont to do, Pride and Joy were listening.

One day, the kids brought me a rock from their playtime outside.  When I exclaimed what a nice rock it was, they said, "It's yours, Mamma."  I asked them why they didn't want to keep such a nice rock and they said, "It's to help you out at work.  Maybe this will be the right rock." 

I've kept that rock on my desk ever since.  Because, you know what?  It is the perfect rock.

Better Than Any Medicine

Laughter.  When it's good, it's very good.  When it's very good, we all feel wonderful.  That's how I felt today after lunch with some co-workers.  We laughed from the time we got into the car, throughout our lunch together, and all the way back into the office building.  So much so, that another co-worker commented on the way into the building from the parking lot, "I want to be on the next invite list for this group's lunch!" 

Yeah, we laughed so hard today that tears came to my eyes.  My stomach feels as if I just performed a workout, and I'm wheezing from having laughed for so long.  Above it all though, I feel happy.  Really happy.  There's a calm about me now, and I'm content.  Laughter truly is better than any medicine a doctor can prescribe.  I'm so glad I have co-workers that provide this outlet.  It makes the rest of the day fly.

Missing Father's Day

I missed Father's Day.  I missed having lunch with my father.  I missed having lunch with my father and my two boys on Father's Day.  Being divorced sucks.  You aren't able to have your kids with you 100% of the time, and nothing is normal.  Normal for me?  Growing up with just two parents.  All holidays were spent together.  Enjoying one another's company.  Now, it's logistics until you wonder why you even bother.  Because somehow, some way, the plans will get screwed up and it's all going to fall apart.

My new normal is scheduling festivities when I have my kids.  Around their mandated time away from me.  I hate that - to the nth degree.  What I hate more?  Missing lunch celebrating my Dad yesterday with my kids in tow.  I felt as if a part of me were missing.  As if I'd lost something I would never be able to get back.  And I did lose something - I lost a day with my Dad.  The knot in my stomach told me that this was one day that mattered.  One day that I didn't want to lose, because really, how many more days will we all get together?  We don't know, right?  We only know that we have to cherish the days we do have together.  Which is why I wanted yesterday with my Dad.

I will make up for that missed lunch...just the two of us, me and my Dad.  He'll open his gifts a day or two later than planned, but he'll still know he's the best damned Dad in the Universe.

The Cool Kid on the Block

A dear friend and I were 'solving the world's problems' this morning at work.  I began recounting a story about my youngest child and my friend said, "He's the cool kid on the block."  The more I thought about her statement, the more I began to see exactly what she meant.  Sure, my youngest child is an active, outgoing, never-met-a-stranger type of individual.  But key in on the last word of my previous sentence: INDIVIDUAL.  My child is the epitome of what we all should strive to be in this world - an individual.

My youngest child is warm, funny, quirky, yet seems not to have a care in the world.  Truth be told though, that child is always listening (even when I think he isn't) and taking it all in.  Then, at just the right moment (for him, not always for the rest of us), he asks the 'burning questions' that have been on his mind when you least thought he was paying attention.  If you really listen to those questions and don't brush them off as the ramblings of a free-spirited kid, you'll see a sense of wonder, thoughtfulness, and tenderness you might have missed.

While I may not always have the right amount of patience for such an active soul, I appreciate that sweet child more and more each day.  He's got a good heart, he's friendly, he's kind, and he is his own person.  That, my friends, makes him pretty darn special in my book.  Because if we all spent a little more time being our own true selves and quit worrying about everyone else, we'd all be The Cool Kids on the Block, too.

Perspective

For the month of November, I’ve been recounting daily what I’m thankful for as my FB status. I wasn’t having much trouble the first 13 days.  Yesterday, however, I was finding it hard to come up with something to post. I was in a bad, no-good, got-the-mean-reds kind of mood. I was tired, feeling taken advantage of for my efforts, and in general, just not ‘me’. My whining consisted of: “I feed and care for everyone else. When is someone going to feed and care for me for a change?” Wow. What a bitch!


Suffice it to say, I needed to go to my room and pronto! Waking this morning, I found a new perspective to yesterday’s ‘mean reds’. There’s no need to feel burned at both ends being the Mom Taxi. How many years before my job becomes obsolete once the kids learn to drive? Yeah, six short years. That’ll go by in a flash! Why feel emotionally drained because there’s laundry to do, dishes to wash, and dinner to make? Isn’t it good that the kids and I have clothes to wear and food to put on those dishes that caused the dishes to need washing? What about the ‘feeding and care’ commentary? Isn’t it a good thing that I am naturally a nurturing individual?! My kids get what they need, and my friends do as well. Shouldn’t the fact that I’m a source of fulfillment for others be a blessing to me?!

So, my November 15th Thankfulness is: PERSPECTIVE. I want the perspective to see the good in all that I have to do each day. I want to have the perspective to enjoy the tasks I take on because they are for the greater good. And I want the perspective to see that the ‘mean reds’ are no way to feel as I live my life.  I am blessed beyond measure. By giving into those ‘mean reds’, I’m just bringing myself and others around me that have to listen to my whining down.

I am happy. I am blessed. I am thankful.

The Patience of Papaw

I’d stuck my head in the sand long enough. A week ago, I’d received bad news. I let it ride for a few days. As time marched on, however, I began to pull my head out of the sand and realized I could trust others only so far, and soon, I had to take care of me. Because Taking Care of Me = taking care of little people, furry people, and all the responsibilities that come with those people.


Just as my friend was trying to pry me from the ceiling concerning this issue, good news came. Things were back on track. Relief washed over me in waves that sent me straight to my father to tell him the good news. His response? “Some things just require a little “TIME”.” To which I responded, “Which is difficult for those of us who lack “PATIENCE”.”

The story he then related melted my heart. Seems my youngest child is part-time philosopher. As my father picked him up from school one day, my youngest said he needed to go back inside to throw away a piece of trash. With the patience of a true grandparent, my father waited for the offending article to be trashed. When my child came back out, he said, “Papaw, you have so much patience. Mom and Pop are always telling me to hurry up because we’re going to be late.”

A parent’s responsibilities never end: soccer practice, homework, art classes, church group, tutoring, basketball practice, baseball games, laundry, dishes, dinner, trips to the grocery store, feed/care of the pets, taking out the trash, recycling, working full-time, bedtime routines, and anything else that falls under ‘adult responsibilities’. For now though, it’s not my children’s responsibility to know what all I do during my day. I just want them to realize they are loved.

I can only hope they truly ‘see’ why I’m so harried and rushed when they grow up and have children of their own. And as they take care of all those responsibilities (because they love their children so much), I can finally have "the patience of Papaw”.

A Letter to My Boys

Dear Pride and Joy,

While I'm not sure at what point you may come across this letter, I hope I've conveyed the contents over the years.  I also hope to have provided a good example for you to follow.  You mean the world to me, and I want you to have the same foundation I was privileged enough to have thanks to Mimi and Papaw's guidance.

1. Always say, "Thank you", "Please", and "Ma'am/Sir".  Manners convey a solid sense of 'home training', and if used well, you will be thought of as someone who is well-bred, well-behaved, and a good person to be around.
2. Learn how to set a table, use your napkin, and learn it until it's second-nature.  You will always feel comfortable at meals with family, friends, co-workers, and upper management.  You never know who you'll be seated next to...you don't want to have to worry about the table manners while you're trying to figure out what to say next to those around you if you're nervous.
3. Look people in the eye when you speak.  Nothing screams confidence more than a person that isn't afraid to make eye-contact.
4. Have a firm, solid handshake.  A handshake used to be someone's word.  It's important.
5. While we're at it, keep your word!  Your word is all you've got; demonstrate your strong character by keeping your word.
6. Know the dress code.  While I understand that comfy clothes feel best, sometimes we've all got to dress up.  Know when to wear that suit and when those shorts are appropriate.
7. Hold the door...for everyone.  It demonstrates you value others and shows how much of a Southern gentleman you've become.
8. Walk on the outside of the girl.  That means, walk next to the curb so she won't get splashed if a car hits a puddle too close to you.  This also lends a sense of chivalry in that you're protecting her from whatever may come your way.
9. The best gift I was given for high school graduation was a copy of "Emily Post's Etiquette".  This book covers everything from everyday to work to social etiquette.  It has gotten me out of many a scrape; it can help you, too!
10. Always write thank you notes.  Nothing says you appreciate someone like a well-written thank you note.
11. Have a sense of humor.  Taking life too seriously will leave you wrapped around the axle, and that's no way to live life.
12. As your Papaw always says, "never discuss religion, politics, or which cereal is the best" in a group setting.  That only leads to trouble.
13. Love deeply, live passionately, and pass it on.
14. Tell the truth - always.  There are no excuses acceptable for someone who lies.
15. Live within your means.  Yes, there are plenty of things out there that are bright and shiny, but they are the 'here and now'.  Live for the 'forever'; those are not things - they are people.

I hope I've instilled the above in you before you read this letter.  However, if this letter serves as a gentle reminder, then that's just as well, too.  Please know that I love you - all the way to the moon and back.

Love always,

Mom