Monday, June 17, 2013

Missing Father's Day

I missed Father's Day.  I missed having lunch with my father.  I missed having lunch with my father and my two boys on Father's Day.  Being divorced sucks.  You aren't able to have your kids with you 100% of the time, and nothing is normal.  Normal for me?  Growing up with just two parents.  All holidays were spent together.  Enjoying one another's company.  Now, it's logistics until you wonder why you even bother.  Because somehow, some way, the plans will get screwed up and it's all going to fall apart.

My new normal is scheduling festivities when I have my kids.  Around their mandated time away from me.  I hate that - to the nth degree.  What I hate more?  Missing lunch celebrating my Dad yesterday with my kids in tow.  I felt as if a part of me were missing.  As if I'd lost something I would never be able to get back.  And I did lose something - I lost a day with my Dad.  The knot in my stomach told me that this was one day that mattered.  One day that I didn't want to lose, because really, how many more days will we all get together?  We don't know, right?  We only know that we have to cherish the days we do have together.  Which is why I wanted yesterday with my Dad.

I will make up for that missed lunch...just the two of us, me and my Dad.  He'll open his gifts a day or two later than planned, but he'll still know he's the best damned Dad in the Universe.

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