Ready or Not 2011, Here I Come!

Ann Taintor’s quotes are spunky, sarcastic, and downright brutally funny. Some of her quotes remind me of myself, while others make me want to be like the situations she quotes. With the New Year comes New Year’s Resolutions for some of us. I’ve long since succumbed to the realization that I will break my resolutions sure as I break a nail after a manicure. So, instead, I’m creating my own version of New Year’s Rules I want to live by…


1.) “I'm becoming my mother.” – My mom is loving, loyal, and can cook so well you’d think she was working to fatten you up for the holidays (so says my ex). I could stand to be a little more like her. She’s strong, no shrinking violet, and will turn into Mamma Bear if anyone messes with her cub or grand-cubs.

2.) “Why, yes I am that kind of girl.” – What kind of girl, you may ask? The kind who knows what she wants, isn’t afraid to work for what she wants, and will move Heaven and Hell to get to the place she needs to be in order to grow and become a better person in this life.

3.) “Old enough to know better... too young to give a rat's ass.” – Being a risk-taker has never been my strong suit. I have learned, however, that it doesn’t really matter what others think. I will be my own person, be true to myself, and the rest will take care of itself.

4.) “The excitement never ends.” – Yeah, so this one’s probably written tongue-in-cheek, and most days I feel this way. BUT, if I truly look around and see the blessings before me each day, I might could possibly turn this one from snarky to realistically positive.

5.) “Stop me before I volunteer again.” – I’ve had my share of volunteer years. With small children, a full-time job, and being a single parent, something’s got to give. I’ll pare down on the volunteering for the time-being and concentrate on my main priority – my kids.

6.) “You be Thelma. I'll be Louise.” – I’ve had long-standing jokes with several girlfriends about one of us being Thelma and the other Louise. I’m thinking maybe 2011 needs to be the year I start “getting my Louise on” – being independent and head-strong (but in a good way, mind you) in order to make good things happen for my kids and me.

7.) “She was disinclined to play by the rules.” – I’d much rather this quote be, “She was disinclined to play by his rules.” I hold onto certain ideals that I won’t compromise for anyone. So, if I don’t play by others’ rules, then I’ll continue to be true to me and my compass will continue to lead me true North.

8.) “We all have our baggage.” – Baggage is accumulated over the years, but it doesn’t have to weigh me down. I can take that baggage, sort through the contents, and file items away as ‘lessons learned.’ That way, I will be better able to move into 2011 with all the chips brushed off my shoulders and a positive attitude that will make the situations I encounter successes.

9.) “Funny... I don't recall asking for your opinion.” – You know what ‘they’ say…opinions are like a*&-holes; everybody’s got one. I can have opinions about people, things, or situations, but I don’t necessarily have to share my opinions. In simple terms – keep my mouth shut!

10.) “Not all bad girls wear black...” – Being a ‘bad’ girl has its perks. You can be the kind of woman you feel you should be, dress the way that makes you feel good, and you don’t worry over every little thing like the ‘good’ girls do. I plan to wear what I want to wear (and not in all black!) and be the strong, self-sufficient, and confident gal I’ve always wanted to be from this point forward.

11.) “She wasn't sure she wanted to live happily ever after.” – Are there fairy tale endings? Do we get swept off our feet by a knight in shining armor? Do we live happily ever after in the house with the white picket fence, the 2.5 kids, and the dog and cat amicably getting along? While I enjoy companionship and would like nothing more than to find that one true soul whom I fit with, I don’t intend to hang my hat on that one person’s existence to make me happy. Only I can make me happy.

12.) “He couldn't become a distant memory soon enough to suit her.” – In order to move forward, remain positive, and learn from past experiences, I’m going to purge the anger, resentment, and hostility I feel toward those that have wronged me in some form or fashion. Out with the feelings of negativity, and in with the flow of positive feelings.

13.) “Lactose is just one of the many things I don’t tolerate.” – I’m not lactose intolerant, but I am intolerant of liars, cheats, and a*&-hats. Don’t be one, and we’ll be fine! I promise not to be one either.

14.) “Think of me as ‘unexpected turbulence’.” – I will not “…sit down, sit down, sit down…”, because I want to rock the boat! I am tired of status quo. I will start speaking out, standing up, and making sure at the end of each day, there are no regrets!

15.) “You mess with the kitty, you feel the claws.” – My children are my number one priority. I have their backs just as my parents have always had mine. I try to tamp down on Mamma Bear, but you know what? It’s OK to be the defender of the weak, innocent, and the ones that cannot speak for themselves. Because the lesson they will learn is to always take care of others. If we spent more time caring and less time tearing down, I bet this world wouldn’t be half as crazy as it seems.

Overall, I want to be caring, loyal, and loving to others. I’m going to need a smile to help that along. As Charles M. Shultz said, “There is nothing more attractive than a nice smile.” So, for 2011, the smile reigns!

Oh, and one last thing…Charles M. Schultz was right when he said, “Happiness is a warm puppy.” I can’t tell you how many times I’ve come home to our new puppy to find her chewing on some LEGO piece, an action figure, or having made a mess on my carpet. But you know what? All that flurry of activity makes me laugh and smile, because I realize the following: I am blessed to have a job that I just came home from, a house I just walked in to, a puppy to always happily greet me at the door, and ‘things’ that may need replacing because of puppy teeth marks. Some people don’t even have half these items…and for that, I know I am to be thankful for what has been given to me, but need to continue to smile while ‘passing it on’ to those less fortunate.

Happy 2011! Peace, Blessings, Love.

All Of Me...

“The holidays , she believed were no time to exercise restraint.”

Ann Taintor (http://www.annetaintor.com/) happens to be one of my favorite sources to quote.  Her product lines pair vintage designs with sassy, sarcastic, and witty quotes that have some bite to them.  My kind of humor!  I'm sure, were we to meet, we'd hit it off fantastically, as I laugh at almost every design she has created.  But what Ann Taintor has done is create an outlet for my ever boisterous, constantly biting humor to transcend into quotes on my Facebook statuses many days.  I may not necessarily be able to exactly identify with the quote posted per se, but if the quote makes me smile, it has served its purpose.

That's the thing about me.  I'm 100% 'all in' when it comes to friends, family, and relationships.  There's no other way to be, is there?!  Well, apparently, there is - a more reserved, bland way that appeals to some.  I don't understand.  I just don't understand.  Why in the world would anyone want to be bland when we're meant to 'live life out loud'?  Life is short; the list of good, true friends even shorter; and the opportunity to meet that one, real, 'soulmate' to spend the rest of this life with slim to none in the chance department.  So, why would anyone want to live life blandly and with restraint, I ask you.

I've come to realize that I may be too much for some folks to handle.  I am loving, caring, compassionate, loyal, true, trustworthy, honest, and will do whatever I have to do for those I hold dear.  In essence, I do not exercise restraint when caring for those I hold near to my heart.  Is that a bad thing?  I don't think so.  However, it must from past experience, give some the nervous twitch as they just don't know what to do with me once they've gotten me on board.

Here's how I see the world in three simple steps: Love Fully, Live Lively, and Give Greatly. 

Love Fully - I have a wonderful support structure in my family.  I also have been blessed with fabulous children.  What else do I have?  The most fantastic, true, loyal friends a gal can ask for; so much so that we would do anything for one another.  And that's the way it should be, mind you.  If we're not willing to give our all for one another in this world, then we're just not living life as it was intended.

Live Lively - Live life as if it's the best (and maybe last) day you've been blessed with!  Look at your children and 'see' them.  Truly see them with your eyes - not glancing around as they speak to you.  Look them in the eyes!  Listen to them!  And 'be' with them.  The same holds true when with family and close friends.  We are only blessed with a small sampling of those type friends that if we had the opportunity to choose would be our 'flesh and blood' family.  Those are the people that hold you up when you think you can no longer stand on bad days; listen to and love you no matter the warts or idiosyncrasies that make up 'you'; and are only a phone call/email/text/or FB message away when you need someone the most.  100% folks; give them 100%!

Give Greatly - whoever said that money can't buy you happiness was absolutely correct.  Because true happiness lies in thinking of others, giving to them, and giving unconditionally.  It doesn't matter if you have $1 or $1,000,000.  If you give unconditionally to those that mean the most to you, you will be a rich person.  Love is the qualifier in this instance.  Love is that emotion that whether it be family love, friend love, or 'lover' love is the high that makes you happy, makes you live life fully, and makes you want to give back just as greatly to others.

So, if you are a part of the 'menagerie' (thank you, new found Sis for this term) that is 'Amy's family-with-or-without-blood-relation', count yourself as one who will receive 100% from me regardless of the time of day, the time of year, or the factors of life that are being thrown our way.  You will always have me - ALL OF ME - and for that, I am grateful, because in doing things for you, in being there for you, or in you allowing me to do for you; you make my life burst at the seams with happiness, contentment, and peace.

Happy Holidays, Merry Christmas, and let's welcome the New Year as another chance to begin again and make things fantastic, wonderful, and immensely happy for others!

Now Where Did I Put 'It'?

“There's nothing sadder in this world than to awake Christmas morning and not be a child."  ~Erma Bombeck

Holidays are the epitome of anticipation, excitement, frustration, exhaustion, and hope bundled up into one big emotion that if thought about too much, would make a soul want to crawl under the covers and hide until the New Year arrived.  Add to that wish lists from your children that cause you to upend the Pepto Bismol in your search for the items on the coveted list, expectations from 'the world' that you do everything with a flourish (i.e., decorate your home to resemble something out of Southern Living, bake delicious concoctions for work and friends, and host fantastic get-togethers), and the mind, body, and spirit becomes drained.

What is 'it' that seems to be missing?  'It' is the 'Spirit of the Season' of course.  You seem to remember having it last year, last month, or even last week.  But 'it' seems to be missing now.  Where did you put 'it'?  As a mom with two full-time jobs (one paying dividends throughout your life as you raise your children; the other paying bi-monthly as you survive the costs of living day-to-day), responsibilities to keep everyone on schedule, and still ensure the little details (remember that Elf on a Shelf?  Where the heck did you put it last year 'so you'd remember where to find it when Christmas time came around this year'?) become realities, 'it' can seem to be hiding from you at every turn.

How do you find 'it'?  Look around you.  Look at your children's faces every time they 'find the Elf'' in a new location because he's been to the North Pole and back.  Look at the Christmas tree lights at night as you sip hot cocoa after everyone has gone to bed.  Look up and around you at church on Sunday mornings at the Crismon tree, the Nativity scene displays, and the beautifully handmade Advent banners.  But most importantly, look within yourself.  Look inside to find those memories of holidays past where you're helping your grandmother butter the homemade rolls, stir the corn, and fill the glasses full of homemade sweet tea for Christmas dinner.  The memories of waking on Christmas morning to find lovely trinkets in your stocking from Santa that you didn't know you wanted, but once you had them knew they were perfect gifts.  The memories of participating in the holiday church services - attend those services, remember, and dig deep to find 'it'.

Do these things so that when you awake Christmas morning, you feel the anticipation with your children of finding out what Santa brought down that chimney.  Remember the family and friends you love so dearly and are most fortunate enough to spend your days with; and most importantly, remember what it feels like to have the wonder of a child at all the bright lights, the beautifully wrapped gifts, and the reason for this season - Christ was born to us this day.  The 'Spirit of the Season' will come back to you ten-fold.

Peace.  Love.  Merry Christmas.

Livin' Life Southern Belle Style, Y'all

The epitome of a true Southern Belle, to me, has always been the characters Suzanne and Julia Sugarbaker from the television comedy, “Designing Women”. Suzanne, the frilly, flighty, beauty queen seems quite shallow at times, but really does have a tender heart underneath all that make-up.  Her sister, Julia, is the strong, loyal, quick-witted one who can cut a person in two by simply using words. Marry the two personalities together and you have ‘The Southern Belle’ complete with a strand of pearls, high heeled shoes, and the ever present Southern drawl that keeps you hanging on until the very last word is spoken.

Suffice it to say, by living in the south, we are raised with a set of standards that are matched by none.  Southern Belle standards; southern rules of conduct, if you will. There's a great website that sells Southern Belle t-shirts complete with sassy sayings: http://www.southernbellestore.com/.  If you want a quick laugh or have a Southern Belle that you think lives one of the quotes from the t-shirts, check the site out and order something!

Sassy sayings and quotes stick with us.  We will remember those type words long after others' advice has been forgotten.  Here are a few that stuck with me - they seem to be a modern day Southern Belle's words to live by, if such a list were ever to exist.

1.) “Never let the fear of striking out keep you from playing the game.” – Didn’t your Mamma ever teach you that ‘can’t never could’? Keep your eyes on the ball, remain focused, and think positive! Life is not to be lived on the sidelines.

2.) “Southern Belle weight loss tip…use super glue as lip gloss!” – That old Jimmy Buffett song, Fruitcakes, has a line in it: “…I treat my body like a temple, you treat yours like a tent…” For goodness sakes, honey-chile, you are what you eat! Don’t be a twinkie or a ho-ho. Little Debbie sure is cute, but I bet she’s not stuffing her face full of Swiss Cake Rolls right now either!

3.) “Life is a grindstone…whether it grinds you down or polishes you up depends on what you are made of!” – True pearls, when tested, have a bit of grit to them. Regardless of what life throws your way, if you survive it with a positive attitude, you may have a few rough spots about you but you'll become the ‘real deal’. Those smooth folks are the fakers!

4.) “Focus on your own drama…I can handle mine!” – Mind your own business, darlin’. We Southerners live in towns where everybody knows our name. We don’t need you gettin’ up in our business, too, and spreadin’ word all over town! Just remember, one of these days you’ll have some business you don’t want spread…

5.) “Sometimes good things fall apart so that better things can fall together.” – Honey, we all think change is bad. But what happens when the good Lord causes upheaval in our lives? He’s providin’ the window we need for that item to fly.  That way, there's more room for 'the better things in life' to walk right on in through the front door! 

6.) “Sugah, a Southern Belle knows if our southern drawl doesn’t get you, our southern charm will!” – Now, you know you’ll do just about anything for a sweet, Southern Belle to respond, “Why darlin’, aren’t you the bee’s knees?!”

7.) “Southern Belles don’t get grey hair, we call them stress highlights!” – Turn that frown upside down! And nevah, evah let them see you ‘glisten’. Grey is the new blonde, don’t you know?

8.) “Life is short; keep your party dress on.” – Living life out loud is the best part of the deal. Don’t forget we’re only given one chance to live; make the most of it!

9.) “A man must be big enough to admit his mistakes, strong enough to fix them, and smart enough to listen to me next time!" – My sweet Papaw used to say about my Mamaw that while he was the head of the household, she was the neck that turned it. Take note, gentlemen, we Southern Belles were created to be strong, resilient, and yet soft as cashmere. You may try, but you will never tame us!

10.) “Don’t ever look down on anyone unless you are helping them up.” – Sounds like a good bit of ‘hometrainin’’ to me (thank you very much, dear college roomie for that term)…make sure you always help others out. You never know when you’re going to find yourself down on your luck and in need of a friend.

11.) “No matter how far you travel the world, you’ll find nothing better than an Alabama girl.” – Just think about this: we’re Southern Belles, we love our Daddy’s, and we root for good ole places like Auburn University…can’t ask for much more in a worthy gal, now can you?

12.) "The most precious gems you'll ever put around your neck are the arms of your children!" - My Pride and Joy can chase the blues away any day with a hug.  I love those children 'to the moon and back' and always welcome one of their 'big mama bear hugs'!

13.) "In life everyone trips...some fail, but some turn the trip into a Beautiful Dance!" - Well, ain't you something when you can make lemonade out of lemons?!  Try it sometime; it sure beats being an ole sour puss!

14.) "Always use tasteful words because you may have to eat them!" - Eatin' crow is not a delicacy!

15.) “Laugh when you can, apologize when you should, and let go what you can’t change.” – Laughter truly is the best medicine. Apologies should be sincere. Letting go of the things you cannot change makes room for more laughter and fun. Refer to Rule #8 on this one, darlin’! If you can laugh and let it all go, you’ve got more time to dance in that party dress!

30 Things...

Below are 30 random things about me that you may/may not already know.  I was tagged for this via Facebook, but thought it was interesting to see what others wrote as their '30 things'...we are all friends for whatever reason, yet we are all individually our own person.  Love how we find that 'thing' to bond with someone over and maybe form a friendship that stands the test of time...

1. I want to volunteer for a living (granted, to be paid to do so would no longer be considered 'volunteering', but there's nothing like the feeling you get when you volunteer).

2. I rarely, if ever, babysat growing up. I was in no way interested in having children either until about age 28. Then came my two kids, and now I wonder what I ever did without them!

3. I want 'that dream date' one of these days. You know the one, where you're dressed in your fancy gown and this 'knight in shining armor' dressed in his tux enjoy a night on the town of dinner, dancing, and listening to 'that hot jazz group' in some swanky setting...yeah, I know I'm not 12 anymore, but hey, a gal's gotta dream, right?!

4. I miss the 'rose colored glasses' view I had as a 20-something. I never wanted to experience liking my dog more than people!

5. My ultimate goal in life was to work with my father and us be 'the team to be reckonded with' - over the span of my career thus far, I've have the opportunity to work with him 3 times. All three times have been absolutely fantastic!

6. I worry about my kids all the time. And I mean the 'Mama Bear' type of worry. Will they grow up into strong, healthy, well-adjusted young men...will they be complete and total gentlemen just like their grandfather...will they learn that 'things' don't count; but people do count...

7. I used to be the most organized, most anal-retentive, most structured person I knew. Now, after kids, divorce, and life in general throwing punches at me left and right? Well, now, I am the most scattered, disorganized, forgetful, but well-meaning woman on the planet. Love me anyway, promise??

8. I found out that when stress leaves your life, so does your 'baby fat' (of course, my 'baby' is in elementary school now, so it's 'lazy fat' instead). Thank goodness that happened, because when my Doctor told me I was on the verge of stroking out because stress was making my BP rise so high, I realized I didn't want to leave my kids in the lurch. They need me and by damn, I'm going to be there for them!

9. I thank God every day for my parents, my children, the experiences I've had the past 20 years, and hope I am prepared for whatever lies ahead. Carrying all these crosses can be pretty tough some days...surely, it's been for a good reason (yes, I'll stop calling you 'Shirley')?

10. I love to sit on my back deck, sweet tea or Diet DP in hand, and listen (truly listen) to the sounds of nature all around me. In the wee hours of the morning when I can look out over the mountain and see the city lights, there's nothing more peaceful.

11. I have been known to be taken seriously on more occasions than I can count, when in fact, I was being dead funny. How can people not understand my sense of humor?! ;)

12. A hug from my children chases all the blues away...ANY DAY!

13. I wish I were more domestic like my Mom - she sews like a champ, irons better than Martha, and cooks without using recipes with whatever is in her kitchen pantry. I have trouble separating my colors from my whites on laundry day!

14. I instantly know when I need to call a friend. I suddenly think of them, they won't leave my mind, and if I don't call and check in with them, something bad happens.

15. I secretly want to be a red-head like my youngest child. I think somehow having red hair will make me a more daring, more spontaneous woman...will my red shoes substitute??

16. I am a shoe whore. I am a snobby shoe whore. I lust after sexy, high-heeled shoes and boots in daring colors and prints, but am too conservative most times to make the purchase.

17. I believe God has laid out a fantastic plan for my life. I, however, am such a Type A controlling personality, that I wish He'd share the blueprints with me every now and then...

18. I think my parents are the best parents on the face of the Earth! I wish everyone could have parents like mine; not my parents, but 'like' my parents!

19. I will fight you for my mom's breaded okra and corn 'off the cob'.

20. I love all types of music. With the exception of most 80s music.  I am able to turn the dial on the radio and stop at nearly every station and sing to whatever song is currently playing (within the first few notes of the song, in fact).

21. I want to be pulled up on stage at a DMB, John Mayer, or Jason Mraz concert and be sung to...and I want to dance around 'like I just don't care' (feeling the urge to put on those red heels...).

22. I sometimes wish I could go back to being a lifeguard/swim coach in the summers again...and have the boys with the '68 Mustangs as dates again...loved those cars...

23. I have completely lost my ability to suffer fools, a*&holes, and jerks well. I silently scream in my head, "This is 'x-hours' I'll never get back from my life!" when I have to listen to their mindless banter.

24. I hate it when people falsely accuse just to make themselves look better. Ain't nothin' worse than a liar. Ain't nothin' worse than a liar that is so desperate for attention that they have to drag your name unfairly and untruthfully through the mud (Reference #23).

25. I want my kids to have a healthy fear of me; but still want 'home' to be the only place they crave to be with their friends as they get older.

26. I don't care what the 'Jones'' have, nor do I care if my 'things' measure up to anyone else's. I do, however, love to hear someone croon, "Me and Mrs. Jones"... :)

27. I've always wanted to have a male 'travel companion'. Something about experiencing new places with a fine specimen of a man is right down my alley (any takers??). LOL!

28. I imagine myself 'the crazy, fun one' at parties, concerts, etc. I am so reserved however, that I'm the only one who sees me dancing, singing, and being a nut in the privacy of my own home (Reference #15 - will red hair help that? Or red high-heeled shoes??).

29. My friends are my greatest assets. I will fight for them, stand up for them, praise them, and allow them to cry (and snot) on my shoulder at any given moment. I will also freely tell them "I Love YOU!" because I think if you feel it, you ought to share it. Too many people go through life not telling each other what they mean as a positive influence in their lives.

30. I want to 'live life out loud' and not waste a single minute! I also want to teach that philosophy to my kids (or at least let them know my Dad's catch-phrase: "Aim, don't let the bas*&rds get you down!").

Words to the Wise...

As a pediatric chaplain, I learn so much from the children. One boy, living with a chronic illness, and I were playing a board game. I kept drawing cards that put me back spaces. He said to me, "That's the way it is in life. Sometimes you get dealt cards you don't like, but you have to just keep on playing."

--Louise Shepard, Syracuse, New York

It's amazing how smart 'little people' can be; so smart, in fact, that we adults often wonder how we became so dumb compared!  A friend and I were having lunch the other day and were discussing our children's wise outlooks on life.  We were amazed at how insightful these kids were, and questioned each other as to if we were ever that bright.  We also wondered why becoming an adult squelched that wise outlook on life, and when exactly did we lose it?
 
I'm amazed each day at the phrases and thoughts that are expressed by my children.  They are so young, yet so wise and deeply rooted in their positive beliefs.  Just two days ago, my oldest was sitting with me to make out his Christmas list.  As we poured over the toy store catalogs, we listed the items he was interested in, and then I asked him which three he wanted Santa to bring.  He mentioned one item and then said, "My second thing I want from Santa is for everyone in the family to have a good Christmas morning."  As we finished up making his list, I asked him for the third item he wanted Santa to bring.  He told me he had all three items on the list.  I said, "But there are only two games; you can ask for a third."  He said, "I already have my third item.  I want everyone to have a good Christmas morning!" 
 
My youngest child is a mini-philosopher.  He's my 'under-the-radar' child.  We think he's not listening, but 9 times out of 10, he has zeroed in on a conversation and hears every last word.  This is also my deeply spiritual child.  He is the one that wants to know if we're going to see our family pets that just passed when we go to Heaven.  He is also the one that constantly asks the tough questions.  He's concerned about things like what happens to our bodies when we die.  He wants to go see the graves of our pets that passed, not understanding quite yet that the grave isn't the most important part of the process.  When I try to explain that the dogs' spirits and souls are in Heaven, he often says, "So we can always keep them in our hearts, and we'll never forget?!"  Exactly, dear child, exactly...
 
It is these little sparks of insight during our days that truly symbolizes the impacts we make on others.  On the days when my kids are fighting like cats and dogs, I can think back to these instances and remember that 1.) they are just kids - kids will be kids (and they may fight, but will hopefully love each other dearly one day); and 2.) I could learn a lot from listening more intently to my children's wise words of wisdom. 
 
I want to find that childish outlook again.  Because when I do, I will know that like the little boy at the pediatric hospital, I may not always like the cards I'm dealt in life, but I can most certainly keep on playing.

It's All in Our Timing

It was perfect timing...
I had the time of my life...
We made it just in time...
This time it will be different...

How many times have you heard, asked, or said the above lines?  I can count having done so on more than my 10 fingers and toes, that's for sure.  Timing seems to be everything these days.  Everyone is watching the clock, taking note of the time, or asking others, 'Excuse me, but what time do you have?"  Why is that?  Are we so important that we must constantly be aware of the time and how much of it we have left?  When, in fact, we aren't the keepers of our time, nor are we in charge of how much of our time is left.  We are just players in Act I...with the hopes of making it to Act II (and it be a Heavenly Act II; not a fiery one!).

"It was perfect timing" - this was the quote my friend and I used most often through the course of our weekend road trip to my college alma mater for a football game.  We were pretty lax about the time we left out Friday evening, but as Saturday's game time drew near, we became more aware of 'the (unofficial) schedule' and what we wanted to pack into the time we had while on campus.  We were able to shop at two of the three campus stores, we walked through most of the campus as I told stories about the buildings or my experiences while attending college there, we were able to visit with three different friends of mine that had made it down for the game, and we were able to experience the festivities outside the stadium as well as pre-game rituals while all the while telling each other we'd made it with 'perfect timing.'

Did we miss anything due to constantly watching the clock?  Not really.  Did we hurry along just to get from one venue to the other?  Maybe.  Did we enjoy ourselves; I mean, really enjoy ourselves despite our attempts to perfectly time everything that day?  I hope so!

"I had the time of my life" - what an exciting statement to be able to make!  How many times are we able to actually make this statement throughout our days, weeks, and months of schedules, responsibilities, and appointments?  How many times could we probably have made this statement were we to actually look up from all of our planning efforts?  I'm finding more and more every day that there are blessings scattered throughout if I'll only stop, look up, and acknowledge them.  In fact, I believe some people become so desynthesised to their environments that when they do hear others make this statement, they wonder if that person has 1.) lost their marbles, 2.) is a drama queen (or king), or 3.) just forgot to take off the rose colored glasses.  How do you live your days?  As a blessing, or on a schedule dependent on time?

"We made it just in time" - lately, over the past several months, this is the statement I find myself thinking or saying quite often.  I have become either a master procrastinator or am trying to pack too much into my time between appointments and activities.  And when I do breeze into whatever item is scheduled, I never seem to have that feeling of being settled, relaxed, or comfortably prepared.  Skirting the clock's time can make us just as flustered as constantly watching the clock.

"This time it will be different" - this seems to be a mantra for some people.  I don't want it to become my mantra.  I want to make the difference and keep it that way. 

But, what is the 'difference'?  What is 'it' that will make things better, easier, or more relaxed?  I believe 'it' is Faith.  Faith that perfect timing is something none of us really need to worry over.  Faith that the time of our life is right now.  Faith that we're making it just in time, because that's all part of the 'grand plan'.  Faith that this time it will be different from here on out because we've chosen to put our worries, our schedules, and our 'must dos' in God's hands. 

He has the master schedule.  He knows what's coming next.  All He asks is that we have Faith in Him and do the right thing.  Sounds easy when you read it.  Seems a bit more difficult when you say it.  And, actually, it is a hard thing to do when you try to put it into practice.  But, no one ever said life would be easy.  Why else would we need an Act I to prepare for the eternal Act II?  Because we are imperfect beings.  And, we need some practice to get our timing down pat.

What schedules are blocking your way today from looking for your Faith?  I'm going to make that difference and begin looking for opportunities of blessings each day - and as I do, I believe that I'll be on the path that will lead me to the time of my life. 

It was Always You

What is it you always hear from people?  "Go with your gut."  I continue to learn lessons after-the-fact, and hope one day to actually listen to my gut when it first speaks up.  That would make my life so much easier...

In the span of about six days, I found out what it meant to be torn between 'a mother's responsibility' and 'survivor's guilt'.  Six days ago, I adopted two very sweet, albeit very different puppies from a local no-kill animal shelter for my children as we all mourned the loss of our dearly, departed 13-year old Golden Retrievers.  All precautions (or so I thought) had been taken to ensure these two new additions to our household got along well and were going to be good fits into our family.  Well, I was wrong...on one count, that is...the puppy German Shepherd had to go back.

It started off innocently enough (doesn't it always?).  She was doing her job as protector of the household and barked ferociously at the men in our backyard doing work on the house.  However, she didn't stop at just that - she barked ferociously at my tall friend the following evening when he stopped in to pick me up to watch our college teams play ball at a local establishment.  Strike One.

The following day or two met with the puppy establishing dominance over the other puppy.  Understandable, especially from the German Shepherd breed.  But, when she launched herself across the room at the other puppy for eating dog food, thus scaring the kids...Strike Two.

What happened next, I'd never have guessed.  She took offense at my oldest child wearing a hat.  And, boy, did she bark ferociously at this child wearing that hat.  So much so, that my oldest turned to run and she ran after him.  As my oldest child melted into a shaking, crying, upset little boy, I realized this puppy had to go.  Strike Three.  You're Out.

My children asked me to take her back.  And that is what I did today as soon as the shelter opened.  I explained the actions of this 'mild-mannered' pup to the staff and their comment was, "We expected she'd return."  Um, OK, then why even send her home with a single parent and two small children if you suspected the return was imminent?  As I cried because of those feelings of guilt for having 'un-rescued' this animal, I took away my 'Lesson Learned'. 

One dog is enough for this family right now.  And, as I told my children, the German Shepherd is a special breed that requires a special family/owner.  We aren't that family.  But, she's back at a location where her special family will be able to find her and take her home...to her true home.  What an amazing creature she is, but my children do and always will come first over anyone, anything, or any 'whatever'.  You can count on that fact!

What was my house like tonight as we started the evening with our one pet?  Relaxed, fun, no stress...and how did our evening end?  With two children piled in my bed giggling that 'their puppy' was licking them and tickling them...now this is what an evening with a pet is supposed to be and sound like.  Miss Priss "New Queen of the Household" - it was you from the beginning that I knew in my heart-of-hearts (and my gut) would be the 'fit' for our family.  It was always you.

Guardians Reincarnated?

"If there is a heaven, it's certain our animals are to be there. Their lives become so interwoven with our own, it would take more than an archangel to detangle them." ~Pam Brown

As I contemplate the strange commonalities between my Golden Retrievers, now in Heaven, and my two new puppies just recently adopted, I'm beginning to wonder if some dogs maybe aren't reincarnated when they pass on.  I know, I know, we all go to Heaven, end of story.  But you've got to see it to believe it!  One dog is spunky, mouthy, energetic, persistent, and even looks similar to my female Golden.  The other dog is quieter and is a love-puppy who only wants to curl up next to you like my male Golden.  Coincidence?  Or a way for God to let me know the Goldens are doing fine in Heaven and I'm still going to have two additions to the family that will protect us?

Maybe none of the above is true, but to see these new puppies act and react around this house, I'd swear the Goldens are here again.  It's almost a relief.  In fact, as I was playing with them in the backyard this evening, I walked over to the female Golden's memorial stone and cried because my heart hurt for missing her.  Then, I looked over to see the puppies tugging at a chew toy together and I was reminded of when my Goldens were puppies and did the exact same thing.  Comforting scene, I can promise you.

What wonderous creatures these new additions to the family are; they've already become an intricate part of the family, and are a true joy to both my children and me.  These puppies have injected a spirit of happiness into our household; something that needed to happen as we three were all grieving in our own ways the loss of our loyal guardians. 

May we have many years of love, happiness, and togetherness with these two creatures adopted into our home when we needed them most.  And if, by chance, my Goldens have sent even a smidgen of their spirit down in the form of these pups, I thank God for helping my children and me through a heartbreaking time.  The blessings these puppies will provide may not heal the wound of losing the Goldens, but it will definitely help to mend the spots that are broken so that we are able to love the puppies with as much heart as we did our dear, departed guardian dogs.

"Unlike some people who have experienced the loss of an animal, I did not believe, even for a moment, that I would never get another. I did know full well that there were just too many animals out there in need of homes for me to take what I have always regarded as the self-indulgent road of saying the heartbreak of the loss of an animal was too much ever to want to go through with it again.


To me, such an admission brought up the far more powerful admission that all the wonderful times you had with your animal were not worth the unhappiness at the end."  ~Cleveland Amory

Parental Control – Part II (Everything I Need to Know, I Learned from my Mom)

The previous post makes mention of my Mom being the parent I poured my heart out to for reassurance, back-up (because whose Mom doesn’t have their child’s back?!), and to learn ‘how to be a true friend’ to those I held close to my heart (friends and relationships alike). In writing down my parents’ advice from years past, I decided to break the post into two parts: My Dad’s list and my Mom’s list. Below is Part II – my Mom’s list of quotes.


Mom's Quotes:

1. "You are who you’re friends with.” – This was a popular quote throughout my high school years. The sentiment remains true, even today as an adult.

2. "When you can’t get someone off your mind, you’d best call and check on them." - How many times have you had someone pop into your mind and you wondered why? 9 times out of 10 something is going on in their life that is best survived with the help of a friend. Be.That.Friend.  Make the call!

3. “Food is good for the body, but it soothes the soul in times of loss.” – Surgery? Death in the family? Bad day? If my Mom knew about it, you’d soon receive some wonderful concoction from her kitchen because she cared that much about you.

4. “Don’t go out of this house without ironing that…!” – You think Martha Stewart is the ‘maven of all things household’?! You haven’t seen my Mom’s mad ironing skills (and yes, she cringes every time I walk into a room wearing a wrinkled article of clothing).

5. “If it doesn’t look as neat on the inside as it does on the outside, we have to redo it.” – This is in reference to sewing (a quote handed down from my Grandmother). However, it proves to be a wonderful lesson in patience, perseverance, and trying to do your best.

6. “Go in there and stand up for you!” – My Mom is no shrinking violet! She is very capable of handling things and taking care of herself. So glad she taught me how to do the same.

7. “Have you told them this? Well, you need to.” – Any time someone hurt my feelings, I perceived a slight from a ‘friend’, or some other instance where hurt feelings came about, my Mom was there by my side to give a boost to get it in gear and solve the issue.

8. “Have you written your thank you notes yet?” – While I’ve fallen ‘off the wagon’ with respect to the proper etiquette of thanking people for their kindness via a note in the mail (before two weeks is out), I do think about (and berate myself for not) writing a note to someone for a gift or a special kindness.

9. “Do not roll your eyes at me, young lady!” – Boy, does this one hit home now that I have small children. Our parents have the hardest, most thankless job in the universe. Show them the respect they deserve for raising us (and not eating us like some animals in the wild do to their offspring).

10. “God gave you to me to take care of and raise to the best of my ability. I intend to do just that!” – I finally understand - all I want for my children is that they grow into strong, kind, courteous, human beings that are productive members of society. It is my responsibility to be a good steward of God’s blessings.

11. “If you’re going to pay full-price, always purchase leather shoes. The man-made material will make your feet smell.” – This one may seem shallow in the ways of the world, but look at it from the perspective of choosing what's real; not the synthetic things in life – i.e., friendships, relationships, and yes, even shoes (glorious, shoes).

12. “If I didn’t love you, I wouldn’t get after you.” – How many times have you heard your children say, “You hate me!” after sending them to their room, giving them a time-out, or grounding them? You understand what I mean then, don’t you?

13. “I am not ’s mother, I am yours, and I said no!” – Yep, the old, ‘if everyone jumped off the bridge, would you?’ commentary…classic; but true. Never, ever allow anyone to influence you to the point that you lose your moral compass.

14. “I don’t mean to sound ugly, but…” – The alternative to the Southern Belle’s, “Bless Her Heart!”

15. “I love you, I like you, and I’ll never give you away.” – This quote comes courtesy of a dear, family friend. It remains the closing salutation for any correspondence I receive from my Mom.

Honorable Mention (because I couldn’t leave these out!):

a. “When I would do good, evil is present with me.” – This quote comes from the days when my parents played the card game, Rook, with my grandparents. Anytime my grandfather was dealt a bad hand, this was the first shot fired of his many ‘biblically-inspired’ quotes to display his consternation. Shows better sportsmanship that most folks we know today, doesn’t it?!

b. “I had to do the same for him/her. I couldn’t bear to leave them out.” – Never one to make people feel like the ‘extra’ in the group, my Mom makes sure all feel welcome at any function in her home.

Parental Control – Part I (Everything I Need to Know, I Learned from my Dad)

Isn’t it funny how your parents’ opinions and actions mold the individual you grow into as you become an adult? My parents are the cream of the crop. My Mom fed everyone that came into our home, loved them unconditionally, and offered a refuge where we could gather and have good, clean fun. My Dad was the one everyone wanted to ‘come out and play’ because he was always up for a tennis match, throwing the softball, swimming laps at the pool, or just being a calming force amidst our teenage angst.

As a ‘Daddy’s Girl’, I have so many memories of things my father said, times spent together, and how he was the one I always went to for advice. My Mom was the one I poured my heart out to for reassurance, back-up (because whose Mom doesn’t have their child’s back?!), and to learn ‘how to be a true friend’ to those I held close to my heart (friends and relationships alike).

I decided I’d write down my parents’ advice, because I might need to use some of these quotes one day with my children. It’s a pretty big list…but we live a pretty big life, so I think all of the quotes will come in handy before all is said and done.  The post is divided into two entries: one is of my Dad's quotes and the next is of my Mom's quotes...hope you enjoy.

Dad's Quotes:

1. "Would you rather be right or happy?" - Choose happy; much less stress than always having to be right!

2. "Einstein failed many times before he found success." - Anything you fail at in life is a lesson learned for future successes.

3. "You're only as good as your last success." - Don't rest on your laurels and expect that last success to carry you forever.

4. "Don't let the bast&^ds get you down!" - Only to be used in dire circumstances; my Dad doesn't need to curse to effectively make his point.

5. "Hey, this ain't Rocket Science!" - Reserved for those that attempt to make things harder than they really are.

6. "I'm not just another pretty face, you know." - Used when someone has gravely underestimated my Dad – don’t do that, because he'll surprise you at every turn!

7. "The more I work with some people, the more I like my dog." - This was my senior quote for my high school yearbook. Dad and I laughed over it, but unfortunately, it has served to be true on several occasions throughout my career (his, too, I'm afraid).

8. "If you do something nice for someone, don't expect to be publicly patted on the back." - Pretty self-explanatory, don't you think?

9. "If you loan someone money (when they're in need), never, never ask for the loan back." - If you're going to do the good deed in the first place, your primary goal shouldn't be expectation of repayment. If that person never pays you back, then hope that they've passed the good deed on.

10. "An education is something no one can ever take away from you." - Whether you put your children through college, or you help someone else receive their degree, passing on what you were fortunate enough to receive is a wonderful gift.

11. "The older you get, the smarter your parents become." – Yep, this one is pretty self-explanatory.

12. "Choose a profession that will provide financial stability, but is something you like to do." - You have to work for the rest of your life, so you'd best enjoy what you do for a living.

13. "Find a hobby you enjoy." - There will be times when stress from work becomes unbearable. If you don't have a hobby to work that stress out of your system, you'll either blow up at the workplace or die. Neither is a good option.

14. "You can work hard and be loyal to the company, but remember what's important in life. Because your seat won't get cold before your employer fills it after you're gone." - Priorities are key in our lives. Work is good, but it's not your whole life.

15. "People make mistakes. It's OK to give them another chance. But be sure to forewarn them that the next time, they may not be so lucky." - Be a good person, but don't be a doormat.

Honorable Mention (because I couldn’t leave these out!):

a. “It's not the clothes that make the man; it’s the man that makes the clothes.” – My Dad cleans up well. We kid him about ‘all women – young and old (blue-hairs, especially) – and pets’ gravitating toward him.

b. “There’s always going to be ‘a*&holes’ in this world; that ain’t ever gonna change.” – Actually, this quote came from someone my Dad used to work with many years ago. It’s still very much applicable. I guess all-in-all, this quote says to me that we should just accept some things as they are and move on.

"Sometimes We Simply Have to Believe" ~Enzo

My dear ex-sister-in-law (ever a sister still to me, regardless) sent me a note about the book, “The Art of Racing in the Rain” by Garth Stein after the passing of my other 13 year old Golden Retriever, Beano. He passed two weeks on the heels of my female Golden Retriever, Bob-Dog. I don’t know if it was from missing his sister (he would stand half-way in/half-way out of the sunroom door at night scanning the backyard for her) or if he was just ready to pass on to Heaven after 13 years as our family pet. Beano’s hips had deteriorated to the point that we either had to lift him up to get him standing or almost carry him to the backyard. It was heartbreaking, yet I’d do anything for that wonderful dog. I even took my good china cereal bowl out of the cabinet and filled it with water to hold for him as he drank so as not to have to bend over his water bowl.

While Bob-Dog was the energetic, ‘mouthy’, spunky pet, Beano was the love-puppy. In obedience classes, when every other dog was learning to heel, Beano was laid out on his back looking up at the instructor as if to say, ‘Hey, over here. My stomach needs rubbing, please.’ And who could resist those soulful eyes? Not me. This was the dog that liked to back into your lap…at 125 pounds. The dog that was afraid of thunderstorms, yet chased/caught rabbits in the backyard. The dog that lay patiently on the couch while I took pictures of my oldest son as a baby in the crook of Beano’s side to ‘see how much the baby's grown!’

And what did that sweet puppy do as we took him to the vet last Friday? He pawed at my arm until his right front leg was draped over me in order for me to have better positioning to scratch his chest. Beano was shaking he was so scared of being at the vet’s office up high on that table being examined. He would calm though as I pet him and whispered, “Such a good puppy. Love you so much, Beano. You are a good dog.”

The inevitable was upon us. It was Beano’s time. Per the vet, the muscle in his hind quarters was little to none, the vet could feel the fluid in Beano’s lungs as he laid his hand on Beano’s back, and Beano’s heart was erratically beating at best, hence, constant panting and not enough oxygen making it through his body. We had to let our other ‘first child’ go; we had to let him be free of the pain of being age 97 in human years. He’d had a good life, he was loved beyond compare, and he had to know that we wanted only the best for him. So, as the vet inserted the syringe into a vein and the medicine began to course through Beano’s system, he looked at my ex-. Our sweet puppy looked up and leaned into my ex-, licked his face, and then turned to me. Beano leaned into me, looked soulfully at me, and licked my face, too. He then laid his head on the table and passed on to Heaven.

Instead of us comforting him in his old age, he took care of us that day; just as he always stood guard in the backyard and chased away squirrels and rabbits to protect his family. A puppy that only wanted to be held and petted grew into a dog that protected not only his owners, but the ‘little people’ that came along. He taught all four of us what it was to be a quiet soldier gently protecting the ones he loved. And here he laid, with his last breath, comforting us as if to say, ‘I’m ready; it’s OK’.

Needless to say, when I read the excerpt below from the book my SIL shared with me by Garth Stein, I sobbed.  This was my Beano. This was what he was all about. This, my friends, is what happens to those silent, loyal, true guardians that we call family pets. 

In Enzo's words (the dog-narrator of the book):

“In Mongolia, when a dog dies, he is buried high in the hills so people cannot walk on his grave. The dog's master whispers into the dog's ear his wishes that the dog will return as a man in his next life. Then his tail is cut off and put beneath his head, and a piece of meat or fat is placed in his mouth to sustain his soul on its journey; before he is reincarnated, the dog's soul is freed to travel the land, to run across the high desert plains for as long as it would like.

I learned that from a program on the National Geographic channel, so I believe it is true. Not all dogs return as men, they say; only those who are ready.

I am ready.”

The Art of Racing in the Rain – Garth Stein

Beano was ready. I believe he will come back one day as a man; a good, loyal, honest man. Because I promise you, he won’t spend long running across the high desert plains. That would be too tiring for my loving beast – he’d rather spend his time loving on those that he cared for and ensuring their safety.

Rest In Peace, Sweet Bean. You are loved beyond compare.

My Wise Men...

Have you ever wondered how someone so young can have such an old soul?  I do.  All.The.Time.  You see, my oldest child, who is still in elementary school, has just such an old soul.  His younger sibling is the free spirit of the household.  But somehow, both children, in their own special ways, are much wiser than I am at almost forty.

Case in point, two weeks ago, we unexpectedly had to have our 13 year-old female Golden Retriever put to sleep.  It was a hard transition for everyone, including the 13 year-old male Golden (her brother).  I worried how I was going to explain that she was sick, so sick, and that this was what was best for her to my children.  I didn't want to go into the gory details about 'how sick' she really was, but I didn't want to lie to my boys either.  They deserved to know the truth, but at the same time learn that death, as life, should be celebrated - especially for a family pet that had lived such a good, long life.

Imagine my surprise when my children were the ones to teach me that lesson.  That evening, as we were getting ready to read before bedtime, my youngest asked when our female Golden was coming home.  I explained that she wasn't coming home because she was in Heaven and that she no longer hurt - her hips didn't hurt, her heart was young again, and she was running and chasing tennis balls just like when she was a young pup.  His comment was, "So, she's dead."  Spoken just like a child, right?  Blunt, and straight from the heart.  But, my older son amazed me when he turned to his brother and said, "But you know, Jesus is up there right now throwing tennis balls to her.  She's really quite happy."  Ahh...to be young and oh, so wise as to put your sibling's fears to rest in one kind comment.

Later that evening, as I told stories of the dogs when they were puppies, the boys giggled and giggled some more.  They continued to ask for more stories, and I told as many as I could remember.  Forget that we were supposed to read for school - this was an important day in our family's life together - and for one night, what was it going to hurt to tell tales of our pets as happy puppies? 

As my children drifted off into peaceful slumber knowing their dog was being cared for by only the best (yes, Jesus fits that bill, doesn't He?), I quietly crept into my bed to mourn the loss of one of my two 'first children'.  As I cried, I remembered all that the boys had said throughout the day and wondered if this was the reason Jesus said, "Let the little children come to me..."  Truly, children are the way to the Kingdom of Heaven.  For they believe with honest hearts and pure souls that God and Jesus are up in Heaven prepared to take care of us.  Whether it be by throwing tennis balls to old dogs that go to Heaven, or making us new again when we return to our rightful places by their sides.

Imagine yourself 20-, 30-, even 40-years ago.  What did you believe?  How did you see the 'scary' things of life?  Did you believe without even questioning that a higher power would take care of everything?  Or did you allow fear to replace that faith?  I learn so much from my children every single day.  I can only hope that they are the Wise men that will help lead me to a stronger faith.  I want to once again joyfully believe (without a moment's hesitation) that God and Jesus will take care of me no matter the circumstance.

The Lengths We Go To...

This past week was one of the most heart-wrenching weeks I've experienced in quite some time.  My 13 year-old female Golden Retriever had to be put to sleep.  This comes on the heels of divorce, and comes right before what would have been the 16th wedding anniversary.  A lot to take in during the span of a few weeks when emotions are running high.

As I prepared myself for the inevitable at the afternoon's vet appointment, I visited with my dear next door neighbor.  He talked to me about any and everything to do with all topics e-x-c-e-p-t my sweet puppy's bad health.  We laughed over stories about our children, and I thought I could handle what was to come.  I was wrong.

As I lifted her up to carry her to the car, I let my male Golden sniff her.  He knew.  He licked and licked her face.  He even tried to go with us.  But, the worst was when I unloaded her from the car to go into the vet's office.  She hung limp like a dishrag in my arms.  Everyone in the waiting area knew.  One woman even came over to give me a hug.  I lost it.  As I sat on a bench in the waiting room by myself holding my sweet Golden, I cried and cried.  I couldn't stop crying. 

As our names were called into the exam room, I mentally attempted to prepare myself for something I didn't know if I could handle.  The vet and I discussed her health - and it was horrifying to learn she was so much worse than anticipated.  She was literally dying a slow, painful death.  I couldn't stand it.  I wanted her to be free from pain but not free from my world.  I couldn't have my cake and eat it, too.

I don't know how I managed to make it home that afternoon.  I do know that I cried and cried in the exam room, at the front desk while paying for the visit, sitting in the car, and all the way to my parents' home to pick up my children.  I even cried as I told my kids that our puppy was in heaven.  The worst part?  Coming home to find my male Golden looking for her.  He searched the backyard, he wouldn't eat from her food bowl, and he paced the rooms, stopping in the sunroom to stare.

We all deal with grief in different ways.  I attempted to teach my children that we can celebrate someone/something's life while still missing them terribly.  The kids and I filled a shoe box with tennis balls that were her favorites as well as her collar.  We wrapped the box in a bag and sealed it.  We buried the box in the backyard under some plants and placed a squirrel statue my Dad had given us on top with a solar powered light to the side so we could see her memorial 'all through the day'.  We then each said something about her and remembered her fondly.

How far will you go to celebrate someone or something that left a permanent impression on your heart?  Will you go out of your way to help others affected to heal?  Will you take the time on a beautiful Saturday morning to relive wonderful experiences with that person/thing and savor what was an important part of your life?  Or will you just move on, not taking the time to deal and heal?  What lengths will you go to so that you as well as those you love can learn that life (even in death) can have a silver lining?

My sweet puppy will always be remembered for her spunk, her loyalty, her mouthy, insistent bark, and her sweet disposition.  Sounds like qualities the rest of us could use in order to navigate this world, doesn't it?

Happily Ever After?

July and August 2010 were the beginning of the end of my almost 16 year marriage.  I am nearing the age of 40, and I've moved into the 'divorced' category that so many of my peers are finding themselves in these days.  How did I wind up here?  What was I thinking?  Are my kids going to need therapy once the dust settles?

I wound up single again because there are idiosyncrasies your spouse has that you get used to over time.  Then, there are the 'deal-breakers'.  After several years of trying to fix (the Southern term for 'taking care of') the 'deal-breakers', we both drifted and grew apart.

What was I thinking that fated evening when I asked the question, "Are you really happy?"  I was thinking, "Gosh, I hope we don't get into an argument."  "What if he says no, he's not happy?  Is that what I really want to hear?"  "I sure hope I don't throw up all over the bed - that would really add to the drama, wouldn't it?"  As all the above (and more) swirled through my mind, we calmly discussed how we'd come to this juncture in our 'for better or for worse' relationship.  We realized that divorce was the best possible option for all involved.  Wow.  Is this really happening? 

July passed quickly, and with it moving boxes, packing tape, and strained discussions.  We explained the situation to our children to the best of our abilities.  We cried, we clung to one another, and we did the best we could for each other.  Was it the hardest conversation we'd ever had?  Definitely.  Were we relieved when our children seemed to take everything in stride?  Absolutely.  Are there still bad days for all of us?  Sure.

What has this life-changing situation taught me?  That I'm stronger than I knew I ever could be - for myself, for my ex-spouse, and for my sweet, darling children.  That I really am happier now, and better able to care for my children since a lot of stress has dissipated from my life.  That you can stand up for your beliefs, and it isn't shameful to not live in the traditional 'norm' of society (some may say 1950s society - I say the society I was brought up to believe in) to still be a family unit.

My oldest child said it best after we explained the new living arrangements.  He said, "Well, OK, then.  Pop's got the pool and Mom's got the dogs.  Who gets the silverware?  And, what about the dogs - are we all going to gather here at the house during holidays so the dogs won't be lonely?"  Yes, sometimes life changes can only be explained best by a young child.  The character you hope you're helping build in your children shines when they are more worried about the family pets (and the silverware) than the changes to come that are affecting them.  I guess my ex- and I have done something right with our children - we're instilling optimism in times of strife and our kids know we love them above all else.  Guess I won't be needing the phone number to that therapist after all...

Out of the Mouths of my Babes

My kids are hilarious.  One has a dry wit about him and the other a natural funny bone that never stops.  Here are a few of their comments that caught me off-guard when said, and that I still laugh about now.

Both kids are singing, "Amen, Amen, Amen" like the choir at church sings during the benediction.  My youngest then pipes up with, "Aw, woman!  Aw, woman!  Aw, woman!"

I was putting my youngest to bed the other night when he told me I was hot.  He continued by saying, "You're not cute-hot, Mom.  You're I-need-to-warm-down kind of hot."  Thanks, kid...

I took the kids to a local chicken finger restaurant the other day.  As the cashier was calling out the numbers when orders were ready for pick-up, my youngest commented, "She's doing a great job with her counting!"

On the way to school the other morning, my youngest placed his arms inside his shirt and said, "Look!  I don't have hands...that means I don't have to play baseball tonight!"  My oldest looks over at my youngest, and without skipping a beat said, "Um, yeah.  So, we're not buying it.  They're in your shirt..."

Before school one morning, my youngest came into the room and gave me a hug.  While hugging me he said, "I'm not going to say good morning , because my hug and my heart are telling you that already."  Then, as I scooped him up into my arms, he said, "Ugh!  How did I get myself into this?!"

Youngest child made me a card and a bookmark for Mother's Day at school this year.  I told him, "I can't wait to put this in my book!  I'll go do that now."  He replied, "Well, this is going in my book."  When I told him that I thought he'd made the bookmark for me, he said, "Well, if you'd wanted a bookmark, you should have made one..."

A Little Southern Comfort

Do you ever have those days where you feel like a human trampoline?  Or a human bean bag chair?  As the mother of two boys, that feeling is an everyday feeling for me.  My kids love to jump on top of my back and ride piggy-back down the stairs in the morning to eat breakfast before school.  They take running leaps and land on me from across the room when I'm sitting on the couch in the evenings.  And, bless me if I ever get sick enough to have to stay in bed, because those little stinkers hop all around the bed saying, "Momma, guess what?  Momma, look at this!  Momma, where are my shoes?"

But when those two are off playing with LEGOs (toy of choice in my house), battling each other with light sabers, or actually sitting quietly watching tv, a strange sense of lonliness envelopes me.  The feeling is so strong that I immediately go to each one of the boys, put my arms around them for bear hugs, and kiss their cheeks while exclaiming madly, "I love you!  I love you!  I love you!"  My oldest turns red and says, "Mooomm!"  But my youngest snuggles up and sits a spell.

I know they're going to be grown sooner than I'd like, and when they are, will be too big to sit on my lap.  But for now, I'm enjoying their feet almost touching the ground and their bodies being just big enough that they almost slip out of my lap.  Because it's during those times that I remember how well they fit in my arms as I rocked them to sleep as babies.  That memory warms me and keeps the lonly feelings of growing boys at bay. 

My arms will never be too small to encircle my boys to give them hugs.  Nor will my body ever be too fragile to endure them jumping over to me and showing their love in true boy-ish fashion.  Their way of showing love is the comfort that endures forever.

What's in a Name?

While shopping at the local cosmetic "super center" yesterday, I came across the Spring 2010 nail polish colors.  Being a nail color name enthusiast when getting pedicures, I was immediatly drawn to the season's trendiest colors...and their names.  OPI's No Room for the Blues, Atomic Orange, Teal the Cows Come Home, and Light My Sapphire are some of my favorites in terms of new color names.  But who can forget the oldies-but-goodies like OPI's I'm Not Really a Waitress, Cajun Shrimp, and I'm Fondue of You?

I was immediately drawn to Orly's Berry Blast and Bailamos colors, but for a goody-two-shoes kind of gal, the latter was going out on a limb...especially for my fingernails.  I countered my interest in this color with thoughts of, "is that really an appropriate color for work?" and "who cares, they're my nails!"  Then, I started to wonder what my nail color choices say about me.  And, if I were to be named by a nail polish company, what name would most represent me?  Several names came to mind...

1.) Magpie - my fondness for all things BSO (bright, shiny objects) makes me forget what I'm shopping for most days once I spy something shiny and new that catches my eye.
2.) Living on the Ledge - as a mom of small children, handling a full-time job as well as all the kids' activities sometimes causes moments of panic when I forget where we're supposed to be next.
3.) Grin and Wear It - any day is made better with a smile; no matter the situation.
4.) Overtures in Admission - I've recently had to admit some hard truths about my life, and hence, make some difficult decisions that affect more than just me.
5.) Pride and Joy x 2 - that would be my two children; always a welcome source of laughter and fun which makes everything else seem inconsequential.

I suppose what the above says the most about me though is that I'm not just one name.  To live life to its fullest, I'm a combination of being tough, strong, and able to handle whatever comes my way.  All the while, I'm looking for the good things in life because why else live if the good things aren't present in front of us?  And most importantly, always look for that Pride and Joy in life.  It's what matters most.

Time Flies...Whether You're Having Fun or Not

Isn't it amazing how slowly times goes by when you're younger?  The months leading up to Christmas, the days leading up to your birthday, and the entire summertime all seem to creep by.  At what point in our lives does time suddenly start to break into a jog and finally begin sprinting past faster than we can bat an eye?

My Dad commented just today about hanging out with my kids one day and suddenly finding himself at the checkout counter at Target paying for toys the kids finagled him to purchase.  He said one minute they were playing at the house and the next, the kids were waving LEGOs (the toy of choice in my household) to be scanned at the checkout lane. 

It's amazing that we can look up from life and find that everything is passing us by at Mach I with our Hair on Fire.  I, for one, am trying to dutifully look up, enjoy what's going on around me, and s-l-o-w d-o-w-n...especially when I see my kids coming down the aisle in Target waving their box of LEGOs.  Because, the next thing I know, they'll be wearing a cap and gown while waving their diplomas high in the air.

Life is Alot Like LEGOs

Have you ever noticed how once LEGOs arrive in the house, they seem to accumulate at an unprecidented rate?  It doesn't seem to matter how often you clear the LEGOs from an area, they tend to accumulate somewhere else, only to pile up and become mountains of sharp, hard-to-contain pieces that if left to accumulate, look hopeless to clear away.

That's how it seems to be at times with problems and issues we have in our lives.  We can accumulate our grievances against others until those issues look hopeless to clear away.  We can't sweep the problems under the rug.  That might hide them for the time-being, but just like LEGOs, the problems are sharp and hurt when stepped on.  And, if left for too long, the problems become insurmountable. 

While finally sitting down last night to help my children clean up the mountain of LEGOs that were scattered here and there, I finally felt that sense of accomplishment when the last piece was placed in the container and put away.  Not swept under the rug to be stepped on at a later date, but really cleaned up and out.  I found that same sense of peace later in the evening when I addressed some issues that had amassed to a mountain of worry, concern, and distaste with a loved one.  While the outcome of the discussion may not be the one most would hope for, I was left with a sense of peace.  Yes, it hurt (and still does), but the items were aired for both of us to address, and now we will move forward knowing what the other is feeling.

Will this be the last of the LEGOs that will need to be cleared away?  Probably not.  But, like the issues addressed last night, at least now they're swept out from under the rug, addressed and stored in their proper containers, and the mountain of hopelessness has been abated.

Channeling Dean Martin

Over the Memorial Day Holiday weekend, my Dad took my oldest child out-and-about one afternoon due to my youngest child being sick. While out, my Dad and my oldest child were stuck in a party supply store during one of our hit-or-miss torrential downpours that occured throughout the weekend. As they were browsing through the store, my oldest chose some plastic glasses and paper umbrellas he wanted my Dad to purchase for he and his brother. So, ever the obliging grandparent, my oldest arrives home that afternoon with a green and a blue plastic martini glass.

Upon their return, my youngest child takes his green plastic martini glass, sets it on top of his head, and begins singing, "It's my birthday! Where are my presents?" Then, he took two paper umbrellas and began twirling them next to his ears while singing the Timbaland feat. Justin Timberlake song, "Carry Out".

Lessons learned today: 1.) I have glimpsed the future of my youngest child at frat parties in college, and 2.) I need to turn the radio off more often while the kids and I are in the car together.

The Beginning...

A friend suggested I start a blog due to the commentary I frequently post on Facebook about my kids. So, here goes...I hope you enjoy my posts, have a few laughs, and join me often...